I can’t let anyone in I can’t
i feel fucking horrible but i’ll forever fucking want you so bad
you have no fucking clue how fucking hard it’s been for me these past years, i can’t just drop everything for you now. part of me wishes i could. Nothing i ever ever said was a lie, but i just want to try and be happy for now, and i can’t be happy when you’re in my life because it will confuse me all the time and i just can’t hurt anyone anymore and i don’t want to. i could write a book about my feelings over this period of time but i wont. i’ve just grown 50x stronger, i’m so strong i even scare myself. But i do think about you, alot, every day. I wish i could do something but i owe it to myself to stay in this place i’m in now, if only you could understand.
i dont know how to put it
ive never wanted to kill myself more in my whole life.
so it’s been done,
the start of the end.
i don’t know who to blame and frankly i don’t even care anymore
say goodbye to me for a really long time, you won’t probably see me ever again,
you’ll see fake me.
happy, fucking everything is fine, nothing is ever wrong me.
i’ll never look sad ever again.
no one to talk to.
i’ve waited long enough
i need to kill myself i can’t do it anymore.
everyone thinks i’m perfectly happy and i’m fine,
i’ve gone completely beyond repair and no one even knows.
when i’m gone i don’t want any of you fucking cunts to miss me because none of you ever gave a fuck about me.
fuck you all.